July 5, 2008
This was our inaugural attempt at climbing a state highpoint and it was during its completion that the State Highpoint Tequila Challenge was conceived. We staged our attempt from Odessa, Texas which was particularly convenient since that’s my hometown. The night previous we attended a local theatrical production entitled Summer Mummers. If you are ever around Midland, Texas in the summer, I would highly recommend this. The show is fun but the true highlights include lots of beer and the ability to throw popcorn at people all night long. This experience would have an early impact on our climbing expedition.
We left Odessa around 7 AM to drive the considerable distance to Guadalupe Mountains National Park which, as shown on the map, is officially located in the middle of absolute nowhere.
Our first goal was to eat lunch in Mentone, Texas. Mentone is the county seat of Loving County which has the distinction of being the least populous county in the whole country. Mentone has an estimated population of 15. According to various sources both internet and personal, there is a single restaurant in Mentone. Calls to the listed phone number during the previous week came back as out of service. Because we were wary of the status of the only restaurant in Mentone, we did not place all of our eggs in that basket and picked up some breakfast burritos on the way out of Odessa. This would prove a good investment as Mentone seemed utterly abandoned when we passed through. We saw the restaurant but none of the 15 residents seemed to be anywhere around. After quickly downing our burritos at a roadside picnic area, we were soon on our way again to the mountain while passing through land so desolate that one wondered why there was even a road. At one point we had to dodge a cow which had commandeered the center of the road as its personal domain. Odds are that cow is still loose today. We saw virtually no other vehicles going either direction and often made use of the ability to drive in the very middle of the road.
By around 11 we had arrived at the park and could see some mountains that looked like they wanted to be climbed. We popped into the ranger station to grab a trail map and had the added advantage of chatting with the attractive female ranger inside (maybe it was just that park ranger uniform). At the trailhead, we made the final preparations for our trek, shouldered our packs, and set forth along the Guadalupe Peak trail with its "strenuous" rating. The trail begins with seemingly endless switchbacks to gain elevation. These would soon prove problematic to me after the drinking from the night before. It was quickly obvious that I was pretty dehydrated and slightly hung over. Nate was very patient though he was probably fairly sure the mountaintop was out of our reach. As I struggled up the mountain, we were passed on the trail by groups of small children, women, and old people. None of this was very good for my enthusiasm regarding my condition. After climbing for a couple of hours you could still see the car in the parking lot (look carefully at the photo and you can see the parking lot).
As we climbed the vegetation changed from arid desert to foresty. We soon rounded a corner and were unable to see the car anymore. Unfortunately we were able to see that the mountain still towered above us.
As I drank most of my water on the way up (in direct conflict with the common belief that only 1/3 of your water should be consumed at this point), the specter of dehydration vanished leaving us to slowly and painfully slog up the mountain. Nowhere was the trail particularly difficult, it was just long and somewhat steep the whole time. Finally we reached the summit; the top of Texas. The first order of business was to take care of our tequila shots. I pulled the “Magic Sprite Bottle” from my pack as well as the shot glasses and we grabbed the nearest willing photographer. This accomplished we sat atop the mountain to savor the accomplishment. We were soon approached by the most attractive girl that had passed us on the trail (her posterior was excellent motivation up the trail until it rounded a switchback). She needed sunscreen to put on her reddening shoulders. Before we had the opportunity to help her rub the sunscreen in, we found out we had already been talking to her father. Sunscreen applied, she went off to make a phone call. It was then that we found out from her dad that she was a five year veteran of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders and was selected to the Pro Bowl this past season. Of course we didn’t get a picture with her and cannot prove the veracity of this part of the story, but we did look her up and she was on the squad (she has since retired from professional cheerleading). Here is a photo of her:
Eventually, the painful reality that we had to hike back down the mountain became clear to us. This was accomplished with very little fanfare and much cursing. Nonetheless, we eventually made it back to the car where we immediately realized our overwhelming hunger. This was somewhat problematic since we were 40 miles from anywhere and had exhausted our supply of granola bars. We hatched a plan to return via Pecos and eat some dinner along the way. There was only one problem with this plan; by the time we arrived in Pecos (8ish) the sidewalks had been rolled up. That is how we ended up at the Northside Café and Bail Bonds (no, really). The Mexican food there was quite passable though the spiciness of the sauce didn’t jive with my brutally chapped lips (Note: add lip balm to the gear list). Fortunately we did not need any sort of bail bond at this fine establishment and were soon able to collapse onto a large cushy couch in Odessa having completed the epic quest. This brings our completed elevation to 8,749 ft or 2.84%. The route gained 2,950 feet with a round trip hiking distance of 8.4 miles. Anybody in reasonable shape should have no problem but try not to do it with a hangover.
As I drank most of my water on the way up (in direct conflict with the common belief that only 1/3 of your water should be consumed at this point), the specter of dehydration vanished leaving us to slowly and painfully slog up the mountain. Nowhere was the trail particularly difficult, it was just long and somewhat steep the whole time. Finally we reached the summit; the top of Texas. The first order of business was to take care of our tequila shots. I pulled the “Magic Sprite Bottle” from my pack as well as the shot glasses and we grabbed the nearest willing photographer. This accomplished we sat atop the mountain to savor the accomplishment. We were soon approached by the most attractive girl that had passed us on the trail (her posterior was excellent motivation up the trail until it rounded a switchback). She needed sunscreen to put on her reddening shoulders. Before we had the opportunity to help her rub the sunscreen in, we found out we had already been talking to her father. Sunscreen applied, she went off to make a phone call. It was then that we found out from her dad that she was a five year veteran of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders and was selected to the Pro Bowl this past season. Of course we didn’t get a picture with her and cannot prove the veracity of this part of the story, but we did look her up and she was on the squad (she has since retired from professional cheerleading). Here is a photo of her:
Eventually, the painful reality that we had to hike back down the mountain became clear to us. This was accomplished with very little fanfare and much cursing. Nonetheless, we eventually made it back to the car where we immediately realized our overwhelming hunger. This was somewhat problematic since we were 40 miles from anywhere and had exhausted our supply of granola bars. We hatched a plan to return via Pecos and eat some dinner along the way. There was only one problem with this plan; by the time we arrived in Pecos (8ish) the sidewalks had been rolled up. That is how we ended up at the Northside Café and Bail Bonds (no, really). The Mexican food there was quite passable though the spiciness of the sauce didn’t jive with my brutally chapped lips (Note: add lip balm to the gear list). Fortunately we did not need any sort of bail bond at this fine establishment and were soon able to collapse onto a large cushy couch in Odessa having completed the epic quest. This brings our completed elevation to 8,749 ft or 2.84%. The route gained 2,950 feet with a round trip hiking distance of 8.4 miles. Anybody in reasonable shape should have no problem but try not to do it with a hangover.
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