More Lies from the Devils of the East

In the South, one is used to modesty in most things (except when it comes to The Merits of Texas), so it came as a shock when research revealed that West Virginia makes some bold claims concerning their geography. First off, "West" Virginia is so far East that one could hardly go much further without pitching straight into the ocean! It would be better named "Eastern-(but not as Eastern as regular Virginia)-Central-and-Slightly-to-the-North-kinda Virginia". It also contains the "New River" which is among the oldest rivers in the world.

Finally, E(BNAEARV)CASTTNK Virginia is also the self-styled "Mountain State". Naturally, a group concerned with climbing many mountains whilst consuming mind-impairing drugs thought this would surely lead to an extremely formidable State Highpoint. But no! The highest point in West Virginia is not a mountain at all. Instead, this braggart of a State has Spruce Knob instead. Knobs are found on doors, control panels, and old-timey beds, not mountains! I'll bet this "Knob" wasn't even created as part of an orgy! West Virginia relies on the fact that they have the highest average altitude east of the Mississippi to back up their claim.

I'm not totally down on West Virginia though. They did produce the youngest soldier of World War I and they produced (and are in fact still producing) the oldest and longest serving member of the US Senate. Finally, despite "Knob" being a quite suspect mountaineering term, the Spruce Mountain does actually have spruces on it! Also, in keeping with the tradition of putting things on top of things that are already tall, there is a tasteful observation tower from which one can see all the Spruces desired all the way down the mountains 4,863 ft.